#Juneathon 2015 Day “18″

Ok so my last post was for day 13 and it’s now day 18…

Upfront, I was supposed to run today but I haven’t yet and I’m not going to.

This is why “18″ is in inverted commas.

Where do I begin? Last weekend, I toed the line for this year’s South Downs Way 100. I was looking forward to finishing it as that would have given me all of the running that I needed for the weekend’s quota (and then some) as well as enough material for the blog post to follow.

That didn’t quite work out as planned…

I’m still hoping to pull my thoughts together in another post regarding that so I’m going to skirt the detail and just say that I wussed out at 66.6 miles. I had my reasons which led me to handing in my race no; however, when the power of hindsight has kicked in a few days later, I know in my heart of hearts that I’d had an amazing day running my own race but I’d forgotten that I’m only supposed to take things one step at a time. Rather than just thinking about the next aid station/checkpoint, my mind was squealing in despair about the 3rd or 4th one beyond that and when (marginally valid) excuses presented themselves, I bailed.

People have been kind and supportive but it’s not about picking myself up again, it’s not about recovering, it’s not about coming back stronger … believe me that I am exceedingly grateful/lucky to know such people but I’m not lain up in agony, I haven’t been confined to an asylum for DNFs, all I did was to hit a wall and not get up again. I guess it’s about not listening to the whiny voice imploring you to “give up” regardless of how loud the cacophony of screaming inside your own head can become. I just needed to stumble through the 5K to the next aid station. I thought I’d learned how to overcome this, should it happen, but perhaps that confidence was a falsehood and I should remember to remain mindful of all eventualities, including those of my own making which are likely to ultimately sabotage my efforts.

With regards to Juneathon and continuing to partake in this festival of activity and excuses – “their” words, not mine, I could’ve run over the intervening days with lessening pain & stiffness in my quads but disheartened after my own mental shortcomings, I was happily sulking in other pursuits.

Pics included above and comments below.

i) Having shorn the ultra beard, the wife & I drove to Hungerford to collect some eBay purchases for our imminent new arrival

ii) Afternoon tea in Hungerford

Yes, I had three of the four scones. #ultraScones

iii) What remained of the mighty Guiness cake which the wife had baked for our final antenatal class. Originally, there was twice as much. Sadly, the dog escaped our supervision after the class and developed a like for the cream cheese frosting

iv) Out of the Blue, Oxford a cappella group, rocking The Lion Sleeps Tonight

v) Walking the pooch around Stratfield Brake with the wife

Ok, I haven’t run today but part of Juneathon is supposed to be about the blogging as well as the running. I’ve often wanted to blog. That’s not true. I enjoy writing and have always wanted to blog, about EVERYTHING that rattles through my head but often fall victim to my own procrastination, which for all of you out there is probably a good thing. I’m hoping that the remainder of Juneathon can continue to re-invigorate how I feel about running. After last weekend’s DNF, I’m going to rethink what I want to do next because I don’t want to be flogging the same horse(s) for the next 3-4 years. To me, a lot of what I enjoy about running is the variety – time of day, tempo, temperature, location/route, weather, elevation, distance, etc. I need to be more flexible about how I achieve the goals that I set for myself as well as when and how I want to achieve them.

Tonight, it’s been about the blog, and tomorrow, it’ll be about the running.